There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
