it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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