I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
