I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
