Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
