took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
