Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
