And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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