I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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