yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
