1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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