I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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