Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
