I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
