It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
