hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The beer is more important than you right now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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