I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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