Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
