In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
