There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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