Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
