I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
