I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
