just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
