Your mouth is God's brothel.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What drink are we having for lunch?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
