I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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