i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
In America we eat man semen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
