Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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