Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
