i don't plan on having that self control this summer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
