he wants to bone in the snuggie
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
