Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
