piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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