Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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