Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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