A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
