I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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