i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
