im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
