She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
