I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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