My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
