You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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