I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just forgot I was standing up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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