All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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