From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
