operation harelip BJ is a go
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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