I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
