Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
