Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we're making bets on your personal life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
