dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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