He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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